Counting the Cost by Jill Duggar Published by Simon and Schuster on September 12, 2023
Genres: Religion / Cults, Biography & Autobiography
Pages: 288
Format: Audiobook
Where to buy: Affiliate Link
For the first time, discover the unedited truth about the Duggars, the traditional Christian family that captivated the nation on TLC’s hit show 19 Kids and Counting. Jill Duggar and her husband Derick are finally ready to share their story, revealing the secrets, manipulation, and intimidation behind the show in this “no-holds barred” (People) instant New York Times bestseller.
Jill and Derick knew a normal life wasn’t possible for them. As a star on the popular TLC reality show 19 Kids and Counting, Jill grew up in front of viewers who were fascinated by her family’s way of life. She was the responsible, second daughter of Jim Bob and Michelle’s nineteen kids; always with a baby on her hip and happy to wear the modest ankle-length dresses with throat-high necklines. She didn’t protest the strict model of patriarchy that her family followed, which declares that men are superior, that women are expected to be wives and mothers and are discouraged from attaining a higher education, and that parental authority over their children continues well into adulthood, even once they are married.
But as Jill got older, married Derick, and they embarked on their own lives, the red flags became too obvious to ignore.
For as long as they could, Jill and Derick tried to be obedient family members—but now they’re raising a family of their own, and they’re done with the secrets. Thanks to time, tears, therapy, and blessings from God, they have the strength to share their journey. Theirs is a “complicated, remarkably relatable story of faith and family loyalty” (Salon) and a moving example of how to find healing through honesty.
Reading Counting the Cost by Jill Duggar Dillard resurfaced a lot of unresolved religious trauma for me—mainly anger. Not so much for myself anymore, but for my daughters and others. I always struggled to follow the rules, and while I tried to give my kids some exposure to the real world, I still sheltered them from a lot. That came from my own experience of being extremely sheltered, much like Jill was. I still struggle with feeling like I failed my children, though I’ve worked hard on myself and am trying to make amends and move forward. But that’s a discussion for another day.
One important note: I listened to this as an audiobook. When memoirs are read by the author, their speech patterns and cadences can say a lot about where they still are emotionally. Jill’s voice still carries a childlike, fundamentalist tone—not a criticism, but something that genuinely made me sad for her. I’ve noticed this in other memoirs from abuse survivors, too—that almost childlike voice, like part of them never really got the chance to grow up safely. I’m not a mental health professional, just someone recognizing patterns in memoirs by people like Jaycee Dugard and Rachel Jeffs.
All of this is to say, I’m extremely proud of Jill for seeking professional and legal help to navigate her family dynamics. Religious trauma is incredibly difficult to untangle, and the fear and doubt it leaves behind can be crippling. It took immense courage for her to speak up.
But here’s where my own experiences complicated my reading: I sometimes worry that Jill sees her husband as a savior figure, and I wonder whether she escaped a controlling environment and simply entered a less restrictive one. Out of the fire and into the skillet, so to speak. I recognize that fear may very well be shaped by my own experiences leaving a fundamentalist religion.
At times, I also questioned how much Derick recognized before the financial exploitation affected them directly. That may be unfair speculation on my part, again shaped by my own experiences with controlling relationships and religious environments.
Maybe this doesn’t matter to every reader, but it mattered to me. When you leave environments like fundamentalist Christianity or groups like the Institute in Basic Life Principles, you’re vulnerable. You’re trying to figure out who you are outside of fear and control, which makes it really important to be careful about whom you trust and with whom you build a life.
Most importantly, the abuse of children should have remained the central horror of this story. Too often, it felt overshadowed by the family’s financial conflicts, even though the abuse itself was far more devastating and consequential.
Jill seems like a total sweetheart, and I empathized with her deeply while listening to her story. I appreciated her honesty and courage. Still, I finished the book with lingering concerns I can’t entirely shake. Part of me wonders what her perspective might look like 20 or 30 years from now.
Whether or not I recommend Counting the Cost depends on what you’re looking for—if you want an honest, personal account of surviving religious trauma and navigating family dynamics, it’s a solid read or listen. Despite my reservations, I still think it’s well worth your time.
CW / TW:
This piece contains references to:
Religious abuse, Emotional abuse, Verbal abuse, Child abuse, Sexual assault, Pedophilia, miscarriage, death, incest
Recommended Age: 18+
About Jill Duggar
Jill Duggar grew up as star on the hit TLC reality TV show 19 Kids and Counting. She was the first Duggar daughter to marry, and over 4.4 million people tuned in to watch the two-hour wedding special on television. Her life with husband Derick Dillard was featured on the show, Jill & Jessa: Counting On, and Jill is currently the oldest daughter living outside her parents’ home. Along with three of her sisters, Jill has previously written and published the New York Times bestseller Growing Up Duggar. Jill and Derick Dillard live in northwest Arkansas with their children.
Derick Dillard has been in the public eye since his first date with Jill Duggar, and over 4.4 million people tuned in for their two-hour wedding special on TLC. He starred on the TLC shows 19 Kids and Counting and Jill & Jessa: Counting On. Derick served in fulltime Christian ministry for five years, working in Asia while single, and then together with his wife Jill in Central America. Before going to law school, Derick worked in management at the Walmart headquarters in Bentonville, Arkansas, as a tax accountant. He is a practicing attorney, licensed in Arkansas and Oklahoma. Derick and Jill live in northwest Arkansas with their children.
Craig Borlase is a bestselling ghostwriter specializing in memoir. Previous works include the New York Times bestseller Finding Gobi and My Name Is Tani, the story of an eight-year-old chess prodigy.
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